Thursday, August 31, 2006

Ganja brownies and a gat, Mr. Mayor?

You may be familiar with Dan Savage, especially if the word "Santorum" conjours up images of a frothy love mixture, rather than a distinguished U.S. Senator. (If it conjours images of both, you should probably go wash your brain out with soap.)

Well, Savage recently outdid himself. In response to an idiotic prohibitionist proposal by Seattle's mayor, Savage went into the lions den and came out laughing.
If the mayor's proposed regulations are adopted, club owners would be required to prevent patrons from carrying drugs into their place of business—prevent. Not attempt to prevent, not do their best to prevent, but prevent—period, full stop. If drugs are found on someone inside a club, the club would be shut down.


Reading the proposed new regulations I wondered if the same rules applied at City Hall. The mayor was asking club owners to "prevent" people from entering nightclubs with drugs—okay, fine. But if the city expects a club owner to keep his place of business drug-free, surely we can expect the same of the mayor himself. So I decided to conduct a little experiment: I would attempt to enter City Hall with drugs. If I got inside, I would use drugs in City Hall. If I used drugs in City Hall, I would offer drugs to other people in City Hall.
And, yes, the crazy sonuvabitch pulled it off!
I offered pot cookies to everyone in the office.

"I have a bunch in my bag," I slurred. "Really good ones. Want one?"

They all laughed, but it was clear that they didn't doubt that I had drugs on me and in me. I was obviously stoned—lingering in Bichsel's doorway for what seemed like hours for no real reason, keeping up with the banter but a beat or two behind. I offered everyone pot cookies a second time. More laughs.
Now, of course, SSDP does not encourage folks to walk around a government building stoned out of their gourd carrying a box of contraband and a threatening-looking gun replica (yes, he brought in a fake gun too). Clearly, Mr. Savage's exploits probably would not have been nearly as successful had he not had a press pass and celebrity status.

Still... he makes a hilarious point.

Read more about his hijinx here.


800 pound gorilla said...

My favorite gag is to walk in a post office or any other government building where "no weapons" are posted and flash my car keys. Autos are involved in more than 8 times the deaths of arbitrarily banned drugs and 10 times the deaths of firearms. I casually point this out to teller get a chuckle and walk out. And yes, in some states you can get arrested for having a toy gun visible in your car. There is a documented case of a 16 year old suspended from school because little brother left a toy in his vehicle.

I don't know how "drugs" became synonymous with the arbitrarily banned variety. It is highly amusing to encounter a chain smoker who virtuously declares "I don't do drugs" or walk down the corridors of a "drug-free school" and see a custodian or teacher with a full mug of coffee.

On a somewhat unrelated vent I have noticed a couple of schools who advertise themselves as "tobacco free" schools. It should be noted that they could easily also ban nearly all widely abused banned drugs if they changed one word: tobacco to smoke. Since 90% of all problematic arbitrarily banned drugs are smoked this would include all smokeable substances. It would actually be a way to fight illegal drugs - without lying to kids about health problems.

It should be noted that marijuana brownies are next to nonexistent - especially for large dealers. Savage probably chose to bring in brownies because he didn't want to complicate his exhibition by violating the ubiquitous smoking ban. Besides, if he was smoking it would actually be causing some harm with the second hand smoke. Bringing in brownies constituted a victimless prank - other than shocking some peoples' sensibilities.

Scott said...

But you didn't violate the weapon rule because you only had the keys. Car keys by themselves probably don't hurt as many people as drugs. Unless you use them to snort coke or something.

It doesn't make sense without the car. Are you sure this is your favorite gag?

It would be funnier if you got pulled over and the officer asked if you had any weapons in the car and you said "my car is a weapon! Did you know that..."

But you'd get arrested for being a dork.

800 pound gorilla said...

Admittedly, you can get away with more stuff as you get older. When I was younger I might have been arrested for being a dork - although I was fully capable of standing up to obnoxious cops in my 20s. When you are economically dependent on your parents a lot of what you can do around police bullies is highly dependent on parental support. Police know that and if you aren't cowed they lean on your weak kneed or sycophantic parents to "discipline the young welp".

Actually if I stated that "the car is a weapon" the officer might have asked for clarification: did I run down people for kicks?

The reality is that way over twice as many people die from acetaminophen poisoning than from meth and Tylenol and Advil have warnings about use clearly marked on packages. That just goes to show that younger people aren't the only ones who think: "the warnings are for someone else; it couldn't happen to me". But when you deliberately don't teach people from the get-go about the basics of drug use [afraid that if they knew how to correctly use drugs they would surely abuse them] tens of thousands of deaths from abuse and chronic misuse of legal pharmaceuticals would not likely be the norm in this country. And upwards of a third of people over 45 are drug dependent suffering from one or more lifetime dependencies for health problems.

The attitude in schools is "don't rock the boat". They might offend those in power who perpetuate the dangerous drugs mythology. They can learn about responsible drug use on their own - and there will be billions in paid drug ads to help them learn how to become drug dependent. And don't even consider a real drug ed curriculum like mine for schools either.