Thursday, June 07, 2007

You know you're a student drug policy activist when...

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for our premier episode of "You know you're a student drug policy activist when!" This series will continue in future posts, so stay tuned.

You know you're a student drug policy actvist when:

  • Nothing you own is safe from drug policy reform paraphernalia. Not your car, your fridge, your backpack, your bookshelf, your wall, not even your teddy bear. If you're the type of person whose underwear is seen the least bit publically, you will have drug policy skivvies.
  • You will cut your hair for the cause, or at least wear a suit.
  • You have procured a file cabinet, file box, book shelf, set of drawers, or other organizational tool for the specific purpose of storing drug policy information.
  • You check your email and your facebook. Then maybe your myspace/blog/newspaper/webcomic/youtube. Then you search for the latest updates on Morse v. Frederick, student drug testing, the Higher Education Act aid elimination penalty, etc.
  • You are willing to travel across several states to attend an SSDP conference.
  • Much like a lively audience member at a midnight cinema showing of some long-anticipated epic movie, you cheer and hoot whenever a great drug policy reformer is quoted in the media.
  • Likewise, when representatives from the DEA, ONDCP, DARE program, and other diabolical characters appear in the media, you snarl, bare your teeth, and bristle your fur. You might even throw popcorn, if you happen to have any.
  • You have become excited about a research paper because you can write about the drug war.
  • Your friend says, "This is my mom/extensive Kevin Smith collection/dick in a box." You respond, "This is your mom/extensive Kevin Smith collection/dick in a box on drugs."
  • You have automatic responses to certain phrases. For example, you respond to "No more" with "Drug war", to "cannabis" with "can o' beer", to "drug education" with "safety first", to "drug problem" with "harm reduction", to "prison" or "military" with "-industrial complex", to "bong hits" with "4 Jesus", and to "Micah Daigle" or "Kris Krane" or "Tom Angell" or "Jacob Roland" with "is a sexy beast/my hero/the bee's knees/the cat's pajamas."
Wow, am I at ten already? Well then. That wraps up today's episode. I will accept suggestions for future episodes, but be warned that I've already got like 40 of these lined up. You know you're a drug policy activist when you come up with a stupid list like this in the shower and then post it in the Dare Generation Diary.

1 comment:

JT Barrie said...

1]When you constantly correct news broadcasts on TV that refer to Cocaine as "narcotics"
2] When you cynically reply to "rare but serious side effects" claims with "they're only rare because they haven't been used that long".
3] When you hear "no risk for dependency" in claims about drugs you respond "drugs don't cause dependency - ailments do".