The Washington Post has a story in yesterday's paper about a brilliant new program being pushed by the ONDCP to more accurately determine the rate of cocaine use in the population. Amazingly, the government thinks that people might actually lie on government funded surveys asking about their drug use habits. So John Walters, not content with inspecting the excrament of high school students all across the country, will literally be analyzing the nation's feces! OK, not quite literally, although the image of John Walters wading through our raw sewage sure brings a smile to my face.
In all seriousness, the ONDCP has implemented a pilot program that analyzes the content of wastewater from Fairfax County, VA and other communities in the Potomac River basin around Washington, DC. They hope to examine the sewage for cocaine content as a means of more accurately determining the rate of cocaine use among the local population.
It's tempting to call this project a massive "waste" of our tax dollars, but any program that requires ONDCP officials to spend their time playing with poo rather than arresting and imprisoning low level drug offenders can't be all bad. After all, they already advocate law enforcement searching our garbage, and teachers and employers handling our urine. It's only fitting that the ONDCP would find something useful in our feces.
I wish I were making this stuff up. If you want to read for yourself, check out the Washington Post story.
7 comments:
Wonder if the ONDCP will reveal the results if it comes out similar to Europe.
(Chuckling) I doubt it; they'll probably declare the information a 'Sensitive Highly Inflammatory Tract' and try to use the PATRIOT Act in order to classify the report...
I predict that whatever the results are, these shit freaks will spin the data into something that demands more government spending for the Drug War and for more intrusive fecal inspections. (Also - not to be picky, but you misspelled "excrement.")
Hilarious! Well, I suppose you could call this a good sign. I mean, it's just proof that the Drug War is ridiculous and is getting only more and more ridiculous. This should only prove even moreso how full of crap they are, hehe.
I have a friend who once did cocaine transport studies (how it moves from surface to surface) for ONDCP in his misspent youth.
He said the hardest problem they had was finding rental cars that weren't already completely saturated with cocaine residues. Apparently 50% of the cars they rented already came with their own cocaine residue.
Here's another take on the story, from AlterNet's Jan Frel.
Did they get a warrant to search my feces?
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