Woohoo drug tests for everybody!

St. Viator high school in Chicago is going all out. Every one of their students is to be drug tested upon returning to school in the fall, and throughout the year, 20 random students will be tested weekly. I think I should cry, but I'm more inclined to laugh. Here's why:

• They have over 1000 students. Each drug test costs $45. The school has set aside $65000-75000 to fund the program for one year. If they don't have any textbooks, don't ask why. Also, rest in peace, chess club; you were fun while you lasted.
  
• According to school officials: There is no drug problem at St. Viator high school. They are not trying to police students. Oceania has always been at war with Eurasia, and two plus two equals five.
• "A student who refuses to be tested will be kicked out, Egan said."
• "The faculty and staff will not be tested."
• ... 'Nuff said.
• One parent is pleased with the program because "it gives kids a better excuse than 'My mom will kill me.'" Ah yes! Because we are all at the mercy of vile, pressuring peers, and all we need to prevent drug use is a better arsenal of comebacks! Something to replace the formerly prevalent "Dude, I would, but my mom is a scary lady." "Your mom is 4'11". She bakes us cookies every time we come over." "... Damn, you're right. Oh well. Pass it to me, I guess."
  

Look, Reverend. Even just saying NO beats just saying I can't because I'm at the mercy of tyrannical authority figures at home and school who don't trust me to make choices on my own and don't afford me any privacy because they think I need protection from my friends/myself and suffer great costs to make themselves think they hold absolute power over my life long after I've become conscious of my independent will and the fact that their dictatorship stems from insecurities and fears that I think are pitiful and/or bullshit that I shouldn't be responsible for especially when I have insecurity and questions of my own but they force me to comply with their worldview which just makes me angry whether I want to do drugs or not and it also hurts a little that there's no adult in my life that I can truly be open with and plus the whole thing seems hypocritical and like a violation of civil liberties and in conclusion I'd rather they work with me than work above me but I don't have much say in the matter so NO I WON'T DO DRUGS.

For one thing, I don't think any of us could say all that in one breath. This is fine, because we shouldn't have to say these things at all. (It's fun to try, though! In fact, if you can say that sentence in one breath, I would like to see it on youtube. Just don't go suffocating or anything.) The program will probably fall through, and when it does I say good riddance.

As always, SSDP has great resources on students' rights and privacy.