Monday, June 25, 2007

If they only had a brain

I'm sure that we all, as good American citizens, have viewed Reefer Madness (1936). So we should all be excited to know that there's going to be a sequel, The Purple Brain. I know I'm excited. I plan to attend the midnight showing in costume (I'm thinking of dressing up like Mae, either that or Old Man Who Gets Hit By A Packard).

So, what is the purple brain?

A purple brain promotes Yahoo!Answers in Times Square.

According to Cheryl Nason of,

A Purple Brain is:
• A brain that is given useful, positive ideas
• A brain that is able to problem solve creatively
• A brain that experiences elevated job satisfaction
• A brain that successfully manages job stress
• A brain with a more useful attitude
• A brain with improved effectiveness leading to enhanced chances for success

Oooh, I like the sound of that. But hold on a minute... That doesn't sound anything like reefer madness to me! What gives, propaganda folks? Let's peruse the article.
The plot [of The Purple Brain] is as follows: Sure, the pot you and your 40 something peers once enjoyed may have been innocuous, but that's only because it bears no resemblance to the super-potent weed of today-- strains with such foreboding names as "Train wreck," "AK-47," and "The Purple." As proclaimed by Drug Czar John Walters recently, "[W]e are no longer talking about the drug of the 1960s and 1970s -- this is [in computer parlance] Pot 2.0."

Ohhh. That's more like it. Hey John Walters, if you and the propaganda squad are so great with computer parlance, then why couldn't you reserve a domain name? (Ooh, burn.) Also, I think Pot 4.2.0 would sell better than 2.0. Just sayin'.

To top off this frightening message, unsubstantiated claims of "brain damage" resulting from the use of this super-pot are new buzzwords in today's Prevention circles.

Brain damage?! I know you are, but what am I? Yeah.

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